lessthanabi

that fear keeps me awake late at night and makes me cry, cry myself to sleep cause sadly that's how people around me make me feel. they don't notice how hard i really try until i stop trying. i can't really talk to anyone about it, they tell me 'don't talk crap, it's not true you're good enough' okay. cool. but words won't make it go away, that feeling..it never really goes away. i hope one day it will but right now i feel like im really not good enough. and i wish i was. i wish i was so much more than i am, more beautiful, skinnier, smarter, good at something, something i can make a career out of, but i guess i'll never be. and i can't stop seeing myself that way and the way people constantly bring me down without even realising it, makes it even worse. and when they ask me 'why do you feel this way?' what am i supposed to say? because of you!?' no, i can't.

"Sometimes I feel incredibly disconnected, uncomfortable in my own skin. Or, kinda like I don't fit into this world. Like I was born at the wrong time, and I don't belong."

maybe i don't belong...i always see and feel things in a sort of different, fucked up way, not like most people would. maybe that's my problem, i see myself all fucked up and that's why im so insecure, but it's not just me, it's others that make me see myself that way, and that's the sad part. when people do actually notice or i tell them im sad, they choose to ignore me most times or just tell me to stop it and that it's okay, and i tell them i'll sleep it off and it'll be okay in the morning, but it never is okay. i wake up and see the same person in the mirror and it's NOT okay. i should probably learn to hide my feelings better. or just shut them off completely..i'd have it so much easier if i couldn't feel anything..