lessthanabi

the clock is ticking and the days pass me by with the speed of sound..a decision has to be made and there's barely any time left. i can't understand one thing..all my life i've wanted this, i wanted to move out of this place, get away from this city and go to the seaside and now, when the time finally came..i'm having second thoughts. i always said nothing will stop me, nothing will ever change my mind and yet here we are and i'm not sure if i want to go or not. i think i finally found someone and i don't want to sound too positive, cause i always tell myself "don't, even for a second, think that things might be alright", but i think i'm falling hard this time. no, i'm not over that other thing but i just might start living with it..or not, i don't know. to be honest i haven't got the slightest idea what will happen untill the end of the month and i pretty much have that much time to figure it out. instead of being happy with my perfect exam results and the fact that there is no more school at least untill october, i feel sad. my best friend is not in Varna and even if i go there, who will i go out with? i haven't got that much friends. i'm really starting to have second thoughts and i don't know what i should do. i know myself much too well and yet i don't know what will happen now. if i stay and things don't work out with this guy i'll feel really, really, really..fcked up. but if they do work out and i go away, it'll break my heart. i honestly feel that he's exactly what i've been looking for the last..what? 8 years? i don't want to ruin anything this time, i couldn't take it, not again. i want to stay here and i want to go there...shoot me now...what am i going to do...?