lessthanabi

I don’t regret meeting you, I just regret the fact that I let you get to me, I let you in way too easily not knowing at the time you would be such a big part of my life. Even if I go back in time what could I do? Not go to the park that day? If I just don’t go that day I’d go another day and meet you again. It’s pretty damn obvious you were meant to be a part of my life. But why did I let you affect me so strongly? It was something in your eyes that caught me, and it didn’t catch me just by the hand or something, it embraced me mentally and completely and I was trapped by that brown velvet stare. You had me at hello, right before you asked me for a lighter. But now that’s all gone. I had you only for a while and I suppose I should be thankful for what little time I was given by fate, if fate is what brought us to this, now. A part of me knows I should give up the waiting game I’m so stubbornly trying to win and face the facts. The facts being that I’ll never have you and you’ll never feel the same affection for me, not the one I feel towards you, anyway. But surely it’s proven that giving up on the one thing you truly want, and know it in the pit of your stomach, that you’ll always want, is merely impossible. Honestly, if someone had told me this would happen, I would have want back in time to even avoid my own birth, cause truth be told – it’s unbearable. The pain, and tearless sobs every other night, the screams and questions that invade my mind daily – it hurts. Yet the thoughts I can bare with, but your absence and your indifference is what truly hurts. And not only does it hurt mentally, it’s even beginning to hurt physically. Something has got to change for me, anything…I’m barely holding on.